Baptize jokes

Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.

What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!

You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...

Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.

I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

Why was baptism invented?

How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?

A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"