Baptize jokes

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.

What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.

So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."

Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."

Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.

What did the priest say during the christening?

"So anyway, I started blasting!"

A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...

Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”

Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.