Australian

Australian jokes

Fax

    • An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.

    They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.

    "Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.

    The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.

    "State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."

    They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.

    "Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.

    When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.

    "No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."

    Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.

    The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.

    "What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.

    "Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."

  • 0

    • Aboriginal

    • An Aboriginal Australian told me that I was on his farmland.

    So I told him he was on my cock.

    (I'm Australian btw, respect to my American bros🇺🇸)

  • 3

    • white Americans

    • Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.

    Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.

    But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.

  • 4

    • Thor

    • Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?

    Food

    • Every culture has weird food.

    Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.

  • 5

    • Self-defense

    • Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

    American: Self defense.

    Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?

  • 1

    • Firefighter

    • Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

  • 1

    • Stereotype

    • A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

    The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

    Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

    Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

  • 5

    • News

    • I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔

  • 3

    • Job

    • If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.

    "G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"

    Phone Number

    • So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.