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One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

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    • I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

    They say people are 75% water.

    But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.

    Bleach solves so many problems:

    Stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation of orphans.

    The school shooter points the gun at the emo kid. While the shooter tries to shoot him, the emo kid dodges the bullets like in the Matrix and takes the gun away from the shooter and shoots himself.

    I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.

    Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?

    A. They never get old.

    Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday?

    Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day.

    Teacher: Why is that your least favorite?

    Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive.

    Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

    Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.

    After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"

    The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.

    "How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.

    The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"

    I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.

    They said: "Because I lost my parents."

    I said: "Let's find them."

    They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.

    A young peasant coming from the field with his scythe on his shoulder notices an attractive young woman that was doing the laundry in a mountain stream, perched on some rocks near a waterfall.

    The guy stops and leans against his scythe, fascinated by the young girl's beauty.

    After minutes of watching her, she loses her balance, slips on a rock and falls all the way down, crushing her head on the white rocks.

    Thoughtful, he puts his scythe back on his shoulder and walks away, saying to himself "Damn, another washing machine destroyed by limestone!"