And jokes
What jumps higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
What do dogs and planks have in common? They both have to be walked.
Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?
I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
The boomerang comes back.
I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because you can't see in the dark.
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
What's an orphan's favorite meme?
Homer going into a bush.
Might take a while to notice and this one is bad.
What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?
God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
What's black and white and red all over?
A newspaper.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!