And jokes
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What has fingernails and legs made of grass? You, I lied about the grass.
What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.
When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.
The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?
The book has papers.
What's brown and sticky? A stick!
What's the difference between a 14-year-old boy and an 8-year-old boy?
The 14-year-old is on top, the 8-year-old is on the bottom.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?
The microwave doesn't brown the meat.
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.