And jokes
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
A horse and a bear walk into a bar... Oh wait, can't tell that one!
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
What's small, brown and crispy?
A baby in an oven.
How did the Asian couple name their child?
They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite lunch? Eggs and shoulders.
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What do you call an animal with 3 eyes, 2 mouths, 6 noses, and 4 ears?
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
You're a bish, and you are too!
Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.
What do monkeys and gorillas love to listen to?
The Monkees and Gorillaz.
If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks, then he'd have to call his pub a Mars Bar!
What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?
Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!