And jokes
A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and the counter.
Spongebob is yellow, and he can't drive.
Must be Asian.
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
Some guy farts and says, "That was some asshole behind me."
I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
What is a definition of tight?
A. Putting a blind man in a round room and saying, "Your dinner's in the corner."
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne doesn't cum on a kid's face 'til they're 13 or 14.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.
God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.