And jokes

A rooster ran across the border from the USA to Canada and laid an egg. Which country does that egg belong to?

Roosters don't lay eggs.

I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.

My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that I've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!

When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?

Stephen Hawking and his wife Siri’s favorite place to eat is Meals on Wheels!

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.

Cameron and Pav.

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

What is the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage. :)

Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.

What is the difference between Dray Dray and an overrated footballer called Pogba?

Why do hospitals have fans?

To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

How were tire swings made?

A tire said, "Goodbye world," and hung himself.

When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how big they are and how hard you throw them.

So I was doing a puzzle, and I was getting triggered with it. My friend said, "It's puzzling why you're so triggered."

A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?

- A boner.

What's red, green, and smells like shit?

... Red and green shit.