And jokes

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?

One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean.

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"

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  • How do kill a redneck?

    Wait until he is fucking his sister and take the brakes off his house.

    A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"

    The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"

    Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.

    A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.

    The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."

    So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"

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  • Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.

    You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.

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  • The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me... how dairy!