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And jokes

A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"

I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"

So, I was fucking my daughter the other night, and I don't know what was funnier, the look on my wife's face, or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her.

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    • So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?

    Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

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    • Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

    A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

    The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."

    The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.

    What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?

    Her abortion.

    What's the difference between depression and a girl?

    XXXTentacion can't seem to beat depression.

    I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

    The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.

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    • What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

    At least one does something when it is triggered.

    What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.

    Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.

    The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."