And jokes

Two antennas met on a roof and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.

A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.

Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.

How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?

Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.

I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.

I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3

What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?

A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.

What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.

So a blind guy walks into a bar, and a table, and a chair.

Two men walk into a bar, and they both hit their heads.

My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

When I was in high school, me and my friends would play with this girl who had Down syndrome.

We would get into a circle around her and say, "Nightmare, nightmare!"

So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."

And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"

Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.

What's white, red, and screams a lot?

A baby in a blender.

What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?

A sad news story.

There is only one thing I have to give my enemies.

A bucket full of dead baby heads and semen so they can replenish their spawn.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.