And jokes
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.
At least Stephen Hawking does something.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.
Space therapist in between the e and the r.
The rapists!
Why are most West Virginians going to hell?
Their favorite pastimes (inbreeding and bestiality) are an abomination unto the Lord.
What is 6" long, bright red, and your wife cries when you feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
What is it called when Bill Cosby and an illegal immigrant fight?
Aliens vs. Predator
What was Stephen Hawking's shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
My sister has cows, and after 4 months, she said there was a mis-steak.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.
A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."
A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.
The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."