And jokes
I like my coffee like my men, long and black.
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Please End My Depression And Suffering.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Dark, rich, and imported.
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
Guy: Say "I'm a man" every time I stop.
Person:
Guy: You walk into a bar.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You meet a girl.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You and the girl go to a hotel.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You guys go on a bed.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: She whispers into your ear...
Person: I'm a man!
What do women and airplanes have in common?
A cockpit.
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
Two antennas met on a roof and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.
How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?
Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.