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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russell

Went to my local Indian restaurant and asked the waiter for a chicken tarka Masala.

The waiter said, "What's that?"

I said, "It's the same as a tikka, just a little otter."

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.

How do Asians name their kids?

They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)

  • 3

    • Stephen Hawking only died because he tried to install Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.

    What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer?

    A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.

  • 5

    • There is a thin line between death and life!

    You won't live to see it.....

    The Cardiogram will!!

    Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

    So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

    Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

    And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

    Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

  • 2

    • A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?

    My favorite sex position is the JFK:

    I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.

    Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

    Son, he is dinner.

    So this guy we talked to wanted me to leave forever, and we said, "What? You never want to hear from me again?"