And jokes
What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.
Apex Legends: exists.
Titanfall fandom: (Literally on fire and at war with itself) "Everything is fine."
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?
Person 1: Hi, I am Tom, and you?
Person 2: Andrew?
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
Jake, Tommy, and Mike were adopted. Jake got adopted, Tommy got adopted, and Mike. Mike grew up to be an office worker. So you get a new job, and hear something about this guy named Mike.
The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY!"
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
What's the difference between a Black person and a white person?
Black people don't shoot up schools.
If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
It was too irritating to listen to her and lend her my ear to talk to.
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
Charizarding.
When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"
I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.
She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.