An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
Christopher Columbus: *Sees native Americans* Can I see your land?
Native Americans: Sure, just be care..........
Christopher Columbus: Boonk gang whole lot of gang shit.
This is American politics that is not true.
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common?
A: Fu@king close to water!
You're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but what were you when you were still in the bathroom? European (you-were-peein')
You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.
But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.
What did the American say to the Russian?
"Why are you always Russian?"
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
Why can't Americans trade with other countries? We lost the trading center!
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.
How do you sink an American battleship?
Have the French build it.
What do you call a sophisticated American?
A Canadian.
American: I've never shot a gun.
African: That's the first coming from an American!
Who is Stephen Hawking's wife?
The American Siri.
