If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."
What's the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
to see who's hanging around.
what do you call a autistic kid who just saw transformers, autistimus prime
My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree. The person: Only last thing left to hang! He grabs a noose.
Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass
Why did Ms Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
My whife caught me one day for watching a porn channel so i quickly turned the tv to a fishing channel. On her way out she said: 'You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!'
I don't like the word gun
Whenever I say it people always get triggered
whats the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights
they are both going to be hanging from a tree
What do you call a atistic kid with a glock.
Special forces Btw I’m 13
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
Q. What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?
A. Calculus homework.
Girl: how much do you love me Me: count the stars in the sky Girl awww it’s infinite Me no just a waste of time
What's red and green and go's 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender....
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common?: They both spread for bread
