I work at a movie studio.
Unfortunately, the team I was working with was useless.
The team:
Worst Jokes Ever
I traveled through time to get my dad back.
I failed because I was 1e21 years off.
My guy: I have a Q-Tip.
Me: You can Q my tip.
My guy: Ayo!
What’s the difference between milk and the air?
At least the air will always be there for me.
Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)
Me: God, no, help!
*game notification pops up with very loud sound*
I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.
Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.
I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.
I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
Osama Bin Laden thrown in ocean!
People who helped with the Twin Towers destruction: ...
American people: We will throw your teabags in the ocean!
British: At least our towers didn’t fall. 😎
Yo mama so fat, she was the lead balloon in the Thanksgiving day parade next to Kermit the Frog.
My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...
Why do gay people only stand crooked? Cuz they can’t be straight.
I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.
Your momma is so fat that when she egged the Twin Towers, she threw a airplane on accident.
If 9/11 happened again, I want to share a selfie of me flying that plane.
When the airplane saw the Twin Towers, it said, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we can't go around it, guess we will go through it."
What went through the heads of the people on the 142nd floor during 9/11?
The 143rd floor.
Why is "dark" spelled with a "k" and not with a "c"?
Because you can't C in the dark!
Btw friend here also wants to do suicide.
Friend: Why did I cross the road? Me: To get to the other side. Friend: True!
Friend: Hey let's go hang out at the forest today! Me: Ok *grabs ropes for the both of us and rushes outside bc this is a lucky day* Friend: Hey at least we did it!
Friend: What's the best thing about me? Me: You will eventually end. Friend: Hmmmmmm . . . true!
Friend: What historical time influenced you the most? Me: The great depression.
If I could be an object I'd be glass because I'm see-through and I can shatter with the minimum difficulty immediately!
My parents sometimes say I'm their sunshine! . . . because I'm painful if you look at me.
Teacher: What does km/s mean? Me+like almost all of the class: *in unison* It means kill myself but misspelled.
Friend: What's the best way to end a game? Me: With death. Friend: . . . Hmmm now that you think about it yeah! That's the best way!
When you're about to jump down a cliff but you realize that you can't litter there.
Google says that you're about 75% water but I'm made of 101% depression 101% anxiety 101% suicidal 101% stress.
Brain be like will_to_live.exe, happiness.exe, and many more others not found also you have now got crippling_depression.exe, anxiety.exe, suicide_thoughts.exe, suicide_attempts, and stressful_life.exe so so so much many more.
How do you keep weeds away? Just put a bucket of crippling depression and suicidal thought and attempts in the soil and then they just kill themselves. Problem solved.
When you take antidepressants but they don't work it will just make you more depressed and that's a fact.
A bored depressed suicidal person: *sees a dying person* Dying person: P-l-pls c-c-c-call m-me a-an amb-b-bulancccee *wheeze* *dies* Bored depressed suicidal person: Hmmmm ur an ambulance Dying person: *manages to get back up* Bored depressed suicidal person: Oooooohh goddddd Dying person: *in a demonic tone* BUT NOT FOR ME~
Roses are red, Inside I'm dead, I have crippling depression, Some one pls shoot my head.
When you finally open up to a person who you think will care and understand but it turns out that they don't. You: *panickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanicking*
The only time you should lift your spirits up is when your gonna hang yourself.
A made-up story starting now. So I went to school as usual. There's a school shooting. All the depressed suicidal people: *crave death* *walks up to shooter* all say KILL ME A made-up story starting ending.
In this one the friend isn't suicidal. Friend: Wanna play a game? Me: Life wait no a game has a meaning. Friend: . . . *crickets* Friend: Calls suicide hotline. Me: Wait no!!!!!
Me: *has crippling depression* *asks mom why I was born* Mom: Hmmm I think I was drunk and on a lotta drugs. Me: Hmmm tysm *gets the rope* Mom: *making hanging puns* Me: *hurries to the trash truck*
Me: At this point I've lived about a decade depressed and suicidal that I don't struggle with it now, I'm good at it and it's all normal.
Hope you enjoyed.
