You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child
You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you
Your so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near
You're so awesome that the word 'awesome' demanded it's title back
Your so cool that celebrities take pictures of you
I went home one day a see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what going on my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guest what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes. A few hours later dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said “honey can you get the mashed potatoes” dad said “why she’s right here”
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s jump at his funeral
If you hit a Indian person on the forehead with a dart is it considered a bullseye?
How does white people backyard looks like, Cotton field!
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
Me: uses the crucifix
Rush: Ahahahahahahæanananana
What was the weather forecast when the planes hit the world trade center? Partly Cloudy with scattered passengers!
How do you get a monkey off the wall??
You Jerk Him Off!!!
What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...
Does Eminem like MnM' s? Cause if he didn't, that would be like 'they're' not like liking 'there'.
What's your religion?
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night she’s back in bed
Does a migit count as a orphan?
