All my 9/11 jokes seem to fly too low.
what is Titanic's favorite subject? subtraction
i gave i tree a high five but sadly it left me hanging
What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby In a clown suit
When youre watching gnomeo and juliet 2 and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt
Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick she said we are family... even though you're bigger than me.
Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear,"hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges. A few moments later, the penguin asks,"hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says,"hey, can you pass the rubber ducky."
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says,"What do you think I am? a radio?!?"
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
A chopper full of white people is also called a helicopter. A chopper full of black people is called a hellacopter.
Knock knock. Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c–
MOO!
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets? That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
I don't have a carbon footprint. I drive everywhere.
Do you know Candice? Nope. Candice dick fit in your mouth.
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
Doctor: I have bad news. Man: What? Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer. Man: Oh, no... Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's. Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left? Doctor: Ten. Man: Weeks? Months? Days? Doctor Nine, eight, seven...
What makes sad people jump? Bridges.
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
