What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.
I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
ISIS recently brought out a new shampoo.
Head and Shoulders!
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
