Worst Jokes Ever

Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?

A: Right where you left 'em.

What pool never runs dry?

The one on the Titanic.

*on a date*

me - "I get to work with animals all day."

her - "How sweet! What do you do?"

me - "I'm a butcher."

Dark humor is a lot like food.

Not everyone gets it.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10. Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That's the best I've done so far.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?

What do you call a skeleton with no friends? Bonely.

What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.

Yo mama is so skinny, she uses floss as toilet paper.

Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.

Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?

It's an ARMadillo.

What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...

There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each was granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said, "I wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.

Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.

Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?

He wanted to keep his nuts dry.

Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉

Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."