Worst Jokes Ever

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.

I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.

What is the difference between runners and my car?

My car is still running.

What do orgasms and pulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"

I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.

Don't commit suicide, that would make DJUNGELSKOG sad!

Steven Hawking had dark humor.

Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them.

Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?

Chuck Norris threw a grenade once. It killed 300 people.

And then it exploded.

Why do Mexicans take Xanax?

Because they’re Hispanic attacks.

I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.

He swears by it, but he’s in denial.

Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the show?

Because he wanted to drop some FLY VERSES!