Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
The pilot goes "We're going down!"
The other pilot yells "Down like your syndrome?"
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?
An orphan.
What's the definition of total chaos?
A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"
So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"