Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommy took a motor.

The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting c—

MOO!

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

"Say what you want about the deaf."

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

Just do it.

When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.

You know how 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9?

Well, how do you think 10 feels being in the middle of 9 11?

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead.

I’m such a fool.

Why did I fall for you?