Worst Jokes Ever
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
Even Steph Curry can't hit threes from behind your hairline.
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
What did the racist CoD player say to yo mama?
132.513.531.332
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
Roses are red, Obama is well spoken, I'm sorry sir, but the ice cream machine is broken.
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"
Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."
Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."
All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
This is nothing to do with 9/11, but this is my best joke.
What do you call a Paki in a microwave?
Pting pting pting.
What is the difference between Madeleine McCann and a submarine?
They are both full of seamen and are at the bottom of the ocean.
Fancy playing rodeo sex?
"OK then," she said!
Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
How do parents punish their blind kids?
They re-arrange the furniture.
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
Why can't disabled people make jokes?
Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx