What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
Your mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.
Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*
Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?
Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.
Your mom is so ugly that she made a mirror shatter.
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.
What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.
What is Hitler's least favorite fish?
Jewfish.
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.
Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?
Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."
But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"
What do strippers and butter have in common?
Both spread for bread.
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
