Worst Jokes Ever

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?

His shoulder.

Why did Spencer eat cheese?

Because he was Jewish.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.

What’s a homo police dog?

A gay-9.

I fucc mi brother.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

The microwave doesn't brown the meat.

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

In the morning, I become a cereal killer.

It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.

What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?

Depends...

I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.

What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.

Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."

I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.

It's called "spastics on elastics."

What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.