Worst Jokes Ever

If the shoe fits perfectly, why did it fall off?

I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.

What did one brick say to the other? Never LEGO.

When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."

What did the watch say to the failing watch company?

"You better watch it!"

I put the sexy in dyslexia.

What do you call a Mexican with no car?

Carlos.

What is blue but smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.

Why can't Sally hit herself? Because she has no arms.

There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each was granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said, "I wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

Why do cats like to sing? They're very mewsical!

Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?

Dave: No.

Jason: Well, he hit his first target.

A swan, a goose, and a penguin walked into a bar... I ducked.

How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.

What objects have the most gravitational force?

A Lambo and a gold digger.