What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
What do you call a drunken Muslim?
Mohammered.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.
He scares the shit out of it.
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
The early bird might get the worm...
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Why don't Amish people water ski?
Because their horses would drown.
What Do You Call A Cute Door?
