Worst Jokes Ever
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?
Wrong.
What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.
If the shoe fits perfectly, why did it fall off?
I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.
Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
What did one brick say to the other? Never LEGO.
When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
I put the sexy in dyslexia.
What do you call a Mexican with no car?
Carlos.
What is blue but smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.
Why can't Sally hit herself? Because she has no arms.
There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each was granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said, "I wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
Why do cats like to sing? They're very mewsical!