Worst Jokes Ever

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.

Kade

Wife: I want to deep throat your dick.

Husband: let’s do this.

Wife: April foogjhmgkjgyukgyukfygkutkutkygfku5t!

Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.

Me: But you are not standing:)

I don't have a joke about Christianity.

I don't want to get crucified.

Why do people think Mozart was autistic?

Because he was probably retarded.

There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"

"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.

"I want to be a hunter."

"Why?" the other babies ask.

"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."

What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?

One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)

A bully chokes me. I simply say, "Joke's on you, I like being choked!"

We all know the joke: Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.

But do you know why 9 is scared of 7?

Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day (3 squared).

What's the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?

One's a good lot of fat; the other's a fat lot of good.

What do you call a retarded Catholic?

Asperges.

How does Stephen Hawking charge his computer?

How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Keyboard sex!

The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!

What do you call a man with no legs?

Neil (kneel)

A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."

U were accidental.

Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.

Make like a drum and beat it!

How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?

None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?