Worst Jokes Ever

Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"

The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"

He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."

Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

Do not trust atoms! They make up everything.

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"

Deaf people suck lots of dicks.

They can't hear!

An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."

Are you getting the funnies?

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

Helen Keller walked into a bar.

Then a table.

Then a chair.

What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?

That I will never get old.

Some man was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?

Head and Shoulders.

Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

They unplugged the wifi.

My class is my house is quite. I suck a dick, now one cares.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.

What does Stephen Hawking have for food?