Worst Jokes Ever
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?
Steamed veggies!
What are the odds of you being in a relationship that is going on in the next few months?
Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.
What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.
What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?
They both thank you for your financial support.
Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.
What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?
Ginger!
We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than grandpa.
Today I was at PE, and I saw a kid in a wheelchair. I threw a basketball at him, and I yelled, "Rocket League!"
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he died.
Why are Indians such good actors?
Most of them are phone scammers.
Don't be racist, I am a building.
Twin Towers: fucked.
It was fake.
BE RACIST.
What do you call a cripple convention? A salad.
The only reason gay people exist is because they couldn't get the opposite gender.
Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?
A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.
I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
My girlfriend called me a "pedophile", and I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old."