Worst Jokes Ever
I cum (Can't understand math).
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
Why can orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Got kidnapped in Iran. Luckily, I ran.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they always return.
Imagine orphans watching Spiderman: No Way Home.
Ur mom is emo.
What is an orphan's most hated baseball team? The Padres.
Your forehead is so big, I bet your dreams are in IMAX.
Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?
How do you see the difference between a cow and a bull? It’s either one or the udder.
An emo went to high five a tree, and it left them hanging.
What do emos and guys with a durag have in common? They both have waves, just one is on their arm.
What do you call suicidal Hitler?
Slitler.
I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."
Like if I am emo.
If you get offended, leave. How did you even find this website, just to make people feel bad?? No.
You are seriously the stupid one here. Also this is not a joke, but the people that do this are.
Why do gay people like sports?
Because they get to play with balls.
9/10/01
Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”