Worst Jokes Ever

I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."

Like if I am emo.

If you get offended, leave. How did you even find this website, just to make people feel bad?? No.

You are seriously the stupid one here. Also this is not a joke, but the people that do this are.

Why do gay people like sports?

Because they get to play with balls.

9/10/01

Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”

There's a disabled kid in my class, right? Oops, should've brought my Hot Wheels tracks.

Good that you got detention because you said that to me; you should've gone to jail.

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.

So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"

The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."

So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

I bully orphans. What are they gonna do? Cry to their parents?

What’s an orphan’s favourite movie?

Spider-Man: Homecoming.

What takes up 10 parking spaces? Five female drivers.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Nah, he got nailed...

What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?

A kinder surprise.