Worst Jokes Ever
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
What is long, hard and has cum in it? Cucumber.
What is a 3 letter word that starts with S ends with X and has a vowel? Six.
what makes emos jump?
a. bridges
Why can't orphans go on game shows?
You need a family member.
Two windmills stand at a farm. One asks the other, "What is your favorite kind of music?"
The other windmill replies, "I'm a huge metal fan!"
What's Kobe's favorite song?
"Helicopter Helicopter"
What do you call an emo that crossed a road? Roadkill.
To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
The only thing they can see are their chopsticks.
I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.
How do you cut your grass without a lawn mower?
You dye it blue and it will cut itself.
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.
He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.
Why can't all orphans learn about ancient Egypt? Because they don't know what a mummy is.
This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"
How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?
You dye it blue and it will cut itself.
Give a man a plane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
Hitler was the most handsome man alive.
Everyone died for him.