Worst Jokes Ever

Turn the comments into a school shootout ;)

You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.

Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.

What kind of cold flu do the Japanese get? The Koflu.

I make weed disappear, what's your superpower?

What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?

Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

Why is an orphan afraid to play baseball?

They are afraid they won't find home.

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.

These Afghanistan people suck at Jenga.

Why can't orphans play poker?

They don't know what a full house is.

The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on.

Why can't orphans watch PG?

They don't have any parental guidance.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.

9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans; they knocked down 2 towers, not 3.

If 6 is afraid because 7, 8, 9, why is 10 scared?

Because it's in between 9/11.

My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.

It was really heavy on me.

"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.

I'm gonna cut my life off.