Worst Jokes Ever
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Craps on your organ.
How did you get into the tampon 100?
Pull some strings!
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.
Your hairline is so far back, your barber didn't know where to start.
His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
If McDonald's is fast food, then Dairy Queen is fast cream.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.