Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
Worst Jokes Ever
Fat kid jumps in the pool.
The popular girl: "I thought there was going to be a tsunami."
The fat kid: "I thought trash was not supposed to be in the ocean."
Yo mama so stupid, she shoved a battery up her butt and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"
What's black, has four wheels, and sits at the top of the stairs?
Steven Hawking after a house fire.
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
Why do cops never put orphans in jail?
Because they aren't wanted.
Wanna know why Kobe can't shoot?
Because he's dead.
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don't get some support soon, people will start to think we are balls."
Why does the orphan have water with its cereal?
Their dad never came back with the milk.
Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In Freezer"?
Answer: Because it's where EVERYONE GOES to "Hang Their Meat!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.
What kind of bees produce milk? Boobees.
People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!
Yo mama so fat, she was mistaken for Eric Cartman from South Park.
What’s the difference between the Twin Towers and McDonald's?
McDonald's has a drive through. Twin Towers has a fly through.
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
Dark humor is like food:
Not everyone gets it.
Or a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."
Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.
