Worst Jokes Ever
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."
I had an operation on my knee, but it was a joint effort.
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
A termite walks into the bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.
Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.
"Where did you learn to do bookkeeping?"
"Yale."
"And what was your name again?"
"Yackson."
What do George Floyd and Jordan Neely have in common?
Both can't breathe.
Kobe never died, he just faded away.
My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.
If African immigrants are supposed to stay in their country, why can't their resources do the same?
Are you a Muslim, because you're the bomb?
What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?
"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"
What is the difference between Reform and Restore UK?
The Name.
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
Yo mama is so ugly that Bumble accused her of catfishing.
Yo mama is so ugly that her DoorDash driver took her order away.
Yo mama so fat, even Dora can’t explore her.
Yo mama so poor, when I ring the doorbell, she says, "DING!"
Your mama is so skinny she can dodge raindrops.