
Worst Jokes Ever
What is a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it sure as hell ain't plain.
What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?
One has a functioning neck.
I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn't know back-to-school sales had started already!
Dying mall be like...
"Toys" were us.
Goodbye, kitty.
Dying Canes.
What do you call 4 black guys and 2 white guys?
The Oreo Gang!
I like my coffee like my women.
Amateur.
Yo mama so fat that when she tried to get on the train, it said, "Weight limit passed, everyone get off!"
Time to play guitar!
*absolutely shreds*
Americans: I will cook the pizza.
Italians: I cooka de pizza!
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
How do you disrespect an Asian?
Give them driving lessons.
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.
For centuries, Japan’s feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japan’s isolationism was creating problems for the United States’ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.
In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perry’s task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).
During talks with the Shogun’s representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didn’t give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.
Perry’s expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair back, she looks 15.