Worst Jokes Ever

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

Go back to the bedroom where you belong, handmaid.

What do Diddy and Turkish men have in common?

They both use lots of oil.

When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.

What's a game a paraplegic kid can't play?

Hopscotch.

I went to help an amputated girl, but she didn't have a hand for me to grab.

Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.

I was looking forward to my date with this paraplegic girl, but she stood me up.

I don't joke about paraplegics; they wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves.

I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.

You're more depressing than your own abortion video.

Are those tears real or are they like you? Fake.

What do Jews and Black people have in common?

Living off welfare checks.

If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?

Why do Jews suck at mugging?

Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.

I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.

Now I'm terrified of airports.

Yo mama's so—oh wait, you don't have one.

How are Jews and potatoes different?

A potato keeps its skin.

Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.

About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."

Mom asked, "Why?"

Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."

Q. Who do you call when a baby with anencephaly is born? A. The funeral home.