Worst Jokes Ever
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
It was women driving the planes for 9/11.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Why can’t Americans play chess?
They lost 2 towers.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
Being the first to move in chess.
It’s a white privilege.
The boy was sexually frustrated that he couldn’t have sex with girls, so he fingered his female cat.
Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
Your mama is so nasty.
She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.
What comes after 69?
Period.