Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

The rest of them will write Perl programs.

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."

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    • Akbar: How many crows are there, Birbal?

    Birbal: 8,971.

    Akbar: What if there are fewer?

    Birbal: Then some crows went on vacation to visit their relatives.

    Akbar: What if there are more?

    Birbal: Then some came on vacation here to visit their relatives.

    The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.

    Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.

    "I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."

    The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.

    "It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"

    Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.

    Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.

    Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."

    Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.

    He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.

    I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.

    What is the difference between a man and a woman packing boxes?

    The man says, "I have everything I need."

    The woman says, "I love everything I have."

    What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?

    The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.

    What is the difference between a thief and a doctor?

    The thief knows what you have!

    When Sally was little, she came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, I can't believe it! Little John collects Pimmel at school."

    Mom: "No?"

    "Like in heaven?" said the mother.

    "No, juice," Sally said.

    What do you think of the Bill Cosby movie?

    Netflix and alcohol.

    What is the difference between a grandmother and a maid?

    One is hope and the other is soap.

    In the French school, four sentences must be written. Fritz heard his mother say, "Close the door!"

    Fritz went to his uncle and heard, "Yes, I'll put it there."

    Then he came to his brother who said, "They call me Superman, hahaha!"

    Finally, his sister looked at a photo and said, "Wow!"

    The next day, the teacher said, "Okay, Fritz, it's your turn. Finish eating and take out the trash!" Fritz said, "Close the door!"

    The teacher got angry and said, "I want to see the principal." Fritz replied, "Yes, my friend, I am leaving you."

    The teacher asked, "I have forgotten your name, what is it?" Fritz said, "I'm Superman! I'm Superman! You're nothing!"

    "Who do you think I am?" asked the teacher, who had become very angry. Fritz replied, "Wow!"