Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
Why did Beethoven have trouble finding a music teacher? Because his teacher was Haydn.
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.