Worst Jokes Ever
"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"
What do you call a retard in the military?
Special forces.
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.
Why are Indian people bad at Monopoly?
Because whenever they hit the corner, they build a shop.
What pronouns would Michael Jackson have used as a Gender Identifier?
“He/he.”
Why does the military recruit orphans?
Because homing missiles don’t target them.
What’s an orphan’s favorite movie character?
Harry Potter.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
What movie do orphans relate to the most?
Spider-Man: No Way Home
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?
So he could wake up inside.