Worst Jokes Ever

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?

Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.

A genealogist looks at the family tree.

A gynecologist looks up the family bush.

Why did the dick go insane?

Someone kept messing with his head.

What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?

They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.

Just give me my money (clap clap clap).

What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?

The home button.

Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?

Because every manhole needs a cover.

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.

Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.

Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.

Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.

Ugh... I hate Anons so much, they're annoying as fuck.

Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.