Worst Jokes Ever

I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.

DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.

I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.

There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.

One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.

Where are the others?

They're in his freezer.

There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."

What's the difference between an Al Qaeda Base and a Pakistani School?

"I don't know man, I just fly the drones."

Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.

There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.

It crashed in a cemetery.

They recovered 500 bodies.

What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.

Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?

He could not get up the stairs?

Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"

Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."

Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.

A receptionist at the Twin Towers orders two pepperoni pizzas. She was upset when she got two planes.

What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?

A Sandy Hooker

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.

He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

God created everyone unique till he got to Asia, then it just went to copy paste, copy paste.

Why did the girl not eat her dinner?

because she has an eating disorder.