Worst Jokes Ever
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Yo bro, look at this twig I found on the floor. Wait...
I can’t stand jokes about Germans.
They’re the wurst.
Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?
Because there were no more planes.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
What do you call a Japanese car thief?
Tommy took a motor.
The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.
What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.
My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
"Say what you want about the deaf."