Worst Jokes Ever
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to his job at KFC!
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
Because there was a school on the other side.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Dark, rich, and imported.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
Why did the liberal cross the road?
(Ah, fuck this shit, I'm gonna kill myself!)
I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?
steamed vegetables.
You want to hear a 9/11 joke?
I bet they did too!
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"
Woman two: "Did that work?"
Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."