Worst Jokes Ever

I was 11 or 12 at the time.

Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...

If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."

I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.

I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.

When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.

Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.

Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.

Your clown is so stupid it took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.

A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink.

Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.

Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.

A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.

I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.

Can you fuck me, please?

where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!

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