Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a lesbian alien? A "lesbeening."
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
What do you call James Bond in a bathtub?
Bubble 007.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
I put on the wrong socks this morning.
White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
what does BLM stand for?
Biden loves minors.
How does Moses brew his coffee?
He brews it.
Book on Michael Jackson: Issued black; returned white.
What do you call six gay men at war? Rainbow Six Siege.
Why'd Susie go down the slide too fast?
Because her wheelchair was good.
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
Why are orphans so famous for their jokes?
Because everyone says go big or go home!
I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.
Disabled man stands up.
Blind man: “You can stand?”
Deaf man: “You can see?”
Mute man: “You can hear?”
Disabled man: “You can talk?”
Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”
Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”
I love eggs!
What was Hitler's lucky number?
Nein.
Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.