Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
What does the ocean do to its friends?
It waves.
(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
Teacher: We are going to Seville.
Girls: Omg, it's such a beautiful city. I can't wait to explore!
Boys: Ohh oh oh ohhh.
Omg thanks for 1000 likes!
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.
FUCK ME DADDY!!!!
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
I unfriended Paul Walker on Xbox because he was always on the dashboard.
I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex's there.
9/11... 911... COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT!
Why can't a homeless person win a baseball game?
They can't find home plate.
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
Seriously, who wants fucking Annoying Orange as president?
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.