Worst Jokes Ever

Mary had a little lamb. Chick, chick, bam! No more lamb.

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."

What do you call an autistic kid that’s good at art?

Artistic.

Why is the leaning tower of Pizza leaning?

It has better reflexes than the twin towers.

My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.

You smell like you farted hard. A, B, Honor Roll, all F’s, you retarded!

I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?

Because they are afraid of American airdrops.

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.

Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.

Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.

Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.

Crush: "How much do you love me?"

Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."

Crush: "But it's morning."

Me: "Exactly."

What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo?

A selfie.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.

Damn, I love being a sniper.