My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
Worst Jokes Ever
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.
