Worst Jokes Ever
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Why are Indians so good at football?
Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.
What do you call field day in Africa?
The Hunger Games.
There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?
Home Depot.
What is the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat?
The wheelchair.
What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?
Raped in Portugal!
Guys, am I funny?
What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?
I am not registered.
What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?
Bathbomb.
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
Four big guys.
When Helen Keller drives a car, people call her Asian.
Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!
Me: Just like me.
I’m trying to find out what IDK means. Every time I ask someone, they say, "I don’t know."
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
What language do Asian Karen’s speak?
Demandarin.
How do you know if an Asian is an orphan?
If their grade was only an A.