Vomiting

Vomiting Jokes

When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out sheโ€™s not pregnant.

Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*

She has cancer.

Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesnโ€™t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.

Person #1: โ€œArenโ€™t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?โ€

Person #2: โ€œNo, you can have it.โ€

Person #1: โ€œOk, thanks...โ€

Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.

Person #2: โ€œThatโ€™s about as far as I got too!โ€

Patient: doctor every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up what's wrong with me? Doctor: I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.

A man sits in a bar and get seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics. The bartender asked, "What's wrong sir?" The man reply's, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me." The bartender says, " put 20$ in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash." So the man walks out the with 20$ he put in his shirt pocket. The next day the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?" The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me 20$ bucks for the wash." The wife pull out the money. "There is 40$-", says the wife. "Oh, he also peed on me he paid for the wash to." The man walks away in belif he didn't get caught by his wife.

Health commercials be like:

Serious side effects can cause:

Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!