Vega jokes

Hey Siri, where is my dad?

Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!

Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

...WhAT-

You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.

What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?

Consensual Rapper 7.

What's black, gold, and red all over?

Tupac in Vegas.

EatDatPussy445, aka Deyione Scott-Wilson Eason, aka Bryant Turman Emerson Moreland, is a pedophile, and he is in Las Vegas right now. Go, go, go, catch him!

What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?

The Las Vegas shooting.

Las Vegas has a new 550-foot-tall Ferris wheel, hoping to gain tourists.

What’s already gaining “tourists”? Whores.

What’s red, gold, and blank in Las Vegas?

Tupac

Hubble just spotted something huge coming out of Uranus.

If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?

What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?

Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.

A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?

Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.

Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)