Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.
What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?
One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.
What do you call a Chinese car thief?
Tommy Tookamota.
To the guy who stole my depression medication,
I hope you're happy.
Have you heard of the Xbox game Sea of Thieves?
See if these nuts fit in your mouth.
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.
Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
