Why can’t you kidnap an orphan
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store the tea bag section had been ransacked. Luckily they found the thief Pionel Pessi with boxes of his favourite tea,Penaltea. Shame on you Pessi.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said...... It’s a wood hulem
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!
The bakery where I work is being robbed I said to the people I am calling the police then I realized they did not come for the money they came for the bread. Huh go figure.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret and I said, well you never know when you need to pick a lock
Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.
A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!
Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
