Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while we was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.
They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.
What do Micheal Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god my mom's gonna kill me!"
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there. Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
When you’re walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming “They’re in the fucking trees!”
What do depressed people do when they’re bored? They “Hang” Out
Why can’t orphans be criminals: Because they’re unwanted🤣😢
What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?
They’re both hanging in the closet
A woman walk into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says "They're right behind you!"
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
the hoppital
Ice cream truck drivers are the most sus people on earth. They’re adults who play children’s music, and give ice cream to kids who approach their van.
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
They can't say no if they're unconscious
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler? “Oh my god put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
Why do the Chinese children don't believe in Santa? Because they're the ones making the toys.
Why do white people own a lot of pets? Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you.
What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common? They're both white and flavorless
