I usually don’t make school shooting jokes. Because they’re aimed at a younger audience
Q:There was two tampons walking down the road the other day guess what they said to each other
A:nothing cause they're both stuck up cunts
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that...I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.
Why don't dinosaurs lay eggs? Because they're EGGstinct!
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
“Mum I just won this phone in a race!” “Who was in the race?” “The owner of the phone And the police I think they’re at the door to congratulate me!”
why do Emos love Christmas? so they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. hope u liked it, happy holidays!
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news Patient: What's the good news? Doctor: I've got u flowers Patient: Awww, What's the bad news? Doctor: *They're for your grave*
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards? Yeah, they're pretty holey.
Why can’t Indian women drive?
They’re too used to riding their camels
I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me
the fat kid asked the teacher "is godzilla real" the teacher said "they're standing right infront of me"
Commander: "Fire a warning shot" Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher" Commander: "potato, potato, just fire" Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school* Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, 'Well I have good news and bad news.' The woman says, 'I'll hear the good news first please.' The doctor replies 'The good news is we're naming a disease after you!'
I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
What does an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on
Two priests walk into a store and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester and the priests both say I’ll do it
Q.) Why do orphans love elevators? A.) Because they're the only things to raise them
What do emos like to do when they're sad... They play violin on their wrists
Boobs are like batteries... AA will get the job done... C is bigger than AA... D is bigger that C... ...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
